January Randoms

January has been a hectic month. With negative 40 degree wind chills, airport closings, delayed and cancelled flights. It seems contacting wedding vendors was the least of our worries. Here are some random pictures from this month. Don't you already feel cold?

Snow dog

Friends

Tiny dog at work

1 <3 Flat Top Grill

Drinking tea, watching Sherlock season 3

Simple fancy dinner

J Gumbo's "Everything" gumbo

All the kale

Bruised from work

Addicted

Cats like Game of Thrones too, right?

Coffee break

Mediterranean Shrimp and Couscous salad at Panera

So cold, the bottle broke

Snowed in for Rose Bowl

Tea time

Chin time

Almond milk hot cocoa

Celebrating at work

#truth

I wish the weather would ease up on us, but one day it's raining and the next it's snowing. Then it's black ice and 40 mph winds and fog. This Winter has only helped me realize me one thing...

-Akemi-chan

Late New Year's Resolution

As terrible as it sounds, I occasionally base my life off of TV shows. I compare myself to TV show scenarios more than magazines or Victoria Secret models. So as I sit here on the couch watching Friends and Sex and the City, I recognize that I don't have these open, vulnerable, sisterhood types of relationships.

I've heard from so many of my girlfriends say that I've missed out of life by not having a sister, and maybe that's the kind of thing I've been missing. I've always had an easier time getting along with men than women. I kind of have this social barrier when it comes to meeting new people and building friendships.

I thought of vulnerability as weakness and alleyways for people to sabotage you behind your back, whether it be intentional or not. Every time I got emotional and open up about something, it was about general improvement and working towards a goal, rather than just sharing for sharing purposes. Not to mention my fear of sharing and then being judged.

I always had short term "girlfriends." We'd hang out and watch movies together, go shopping and eat lunch together, but at the end of the day, we almost always kinda drifted apart. Maybe this kind of reinforced the notion of limiting vulnerability. Why open up about stuff and share the crazy thoughts that are in my head, if the person isn't going to be around for very long.

In the end I feel like this mentality was like shooting myself in the foot. By choosing not to share, no one gets close to you and are more likely to leave. So in a way my fear of people getting too close helped people keep their distance.

So for this year I've decided to change and put myself out there more. I should share more, even if it's little things like a text message or over a glass of wine. I can't be afraid of getting hurt or being overexposed. Shaking this habit is going to be rough, but I'll have to make conscious efforts to communicate more.

Ok, back to your regularly scheduled programming.

-Akemi-chan

Orange Soy Dipping Sauce

My Grandma was very thoughtful and sent Bryan and I some frozen pot stickers. When I say "some" it's an understatement. I'm pretty sure she shipped at least 200 of them. We're still working our way through them. But it's the perfect late night snack. We just pan fry a few and have them with a little homemade dipping sauce.

Orange Soy Dipping Sauce

3 tbsp low sodium soy sauce
1/4 cup of orange juice
1 clove or garlic, grated
1 tsp of ginger, grated
1 tsp cane syrup (or honey if you like)
splash of sesame seed oil
zest of 1 orange (optional)

Combine all ingredients in a small bowl and whisk until combined. One time I also added some chopped green onion and it was great. Use as dipping sauce or pour into pan just before pot stickers are finished cooking. Turn pot stickers in pan until well coated by dipping sauce, forming a glaze. Enjoy!

-Akemi-chan

Wedding Planning: Learning to Love Myself

Story time! Brace yourself, it's gonna be a boring one.

Like many women, I'm insecure about my body. No matter what state I'm in, or how many layers I'm wearing or how many pieces of cake I've refused, I still feel self-conscious.

I'm petite and I eat... hmm that should be my new slogan. Anyway, I have curves (but not in the sultry Sofia Vergara kinda way) and I enjoy tasty food and beverages. I'm top heavy with a larger bust and wide shoulders with larger arms than I'd like. Basically I perceive my body as an upside down triangle. Of course I want arms like Michelle Obama, abs like Jennifer Aniston and legs like Blake Lively, but this type of body image doesn't help anyone.

Some people might not believe it, but I was the fat kid growing up. Not that I'm thin now by any means, but people in the Midwest think that I'm about the size of a gummy bear, so they don't believe me when I say I'm the biggest female in my family, in both height and weight. All the little Asian girls with wafer thin frames and the surfer girls with their toned cores and arms gave me a sense that I was different, and I am. My cousins and brother are all athletic or thin and my Mom used to remind me she weighed 90 lbs when she graduated high school. Being 5' 2" and 135 lbs in paradise, surrounded by bikinis is not rough, but it's not a picnic either. I wouldn't consider myself big-boned or husky, but I'm not delirious enough to ignore that my ethnic counterparts are thinner than I am. However, I spent too much of my life putting myself down, telling myself that I was not good enough when it came to appearances or brains or achievements. Eventually, I found the confidence I needed in order to feel like myself in my own skin.

I could be a cliche and say that, "I found myself in college," but it's more true than not. I found friends that hung out with me because of my personality, sense of humor and life perspectives, as opposed to being the girl with a significant other and no friends. I found new friends that I felt respected me and enjoyed my company and I continued to hang out with high school friends who still kept in touch after all these years. I realized that half the battle of being comfortable with yourself is surrounding yourself with people that make you feel good about who you are.

After moving to the Midwest, I know it's harder to keep in touch with friends, but I know that I still have them. Even if we don't speak on the phone everyday or have brunch on Sundays, I know I care about them. When we see each other, no matter how many days, weeks or months it's been, it's like we picked it up our relationship like it was yesterday. Flight benefits don't hurt either.

Now, far away from everything I've ever known, I blog about food, clothes, travel and my experiences. I embrace the things that give me happiness, despite how glutenous or self-absorbed they may seem. It makes me happy thinking about my friends and family reading this blog to get a view of my life, especially since I have a hard time picking up the phone. But I welcome the idea of friends and family calling, texting and emailing me to give me insight on their lives.

I still don't love my arms, or my waistline or having a part-time job despite my Bachelor's degree, but at least I love myself enough to know that these things don't define me. I love my family for supporting me and raising me to work hard for what I want. I love my friends for having my back and helping me blow off steam. And I love Bryan for making me feel beautiful no matter if I'm dolled up for a night out or in pajamas without makeup.

Learning to love myself is not saying that I don't want to improve. Of course I want to be better, who doesn't? But luckily I found someone who accepts me for who I am and embraces the good and encourages me through the not so good. If I didn't feel this way, I wouldn't feel comfortable enough to marry him and I'm so grateful to be in this place right now. If I didn't love myself, how could I truly love another?

So thank you to all of those people who loved me despite what I achieved, who I knew, what job I had or who I loved. If it weren't for all of you, I would not have known how to love honestly. If it weren't for all of you, I would not have found happiness.

-Akemi-chan

End of the Year Family Time in Vegas

I feel like I never get to see my family anymore and in some respects that statement is not untrue. I've only been home once during 2013 and although I spent a whole week there, it didn't seem like enough. On the other hand I've seen my family on more than one occasion on the mainland like New York and Boston in May, Chicago in July, and Las Vegas in September. Well, they're at it again. My family spent Christmas in Vegas once again, and I got to meet them for the tail end of their trip. 

Merge

Almost too hungry to take picture. My travel routine has commenced when I get my Argo Tea 

Heading West

Goofing off while shopping

Amazing restaurant. Our dinner reservations at 11:30pm

Cheezu!

Homemade tofu

Arare crusted asparagus

Hamachi carpaccio and tofu with tomatoes

Sashimi plate

Panko eggplant

Bacon wrapped enoki mushrooms

Giant oyster

Hamchi collar

Grilled langoustine

Grilled squid

Grilled steak with wasabi

Ground chicken on a stick

Pork cheek and lamb chops

Big winner

Victory ice cream

Homeward bound

Only person in first class

First class dinner

Dessert

A view from the top

Christmas in Chicago

Even though I only spent a little more than a day in Vegas, it was well worth it. It's always nice to spend some time with family during the holidays, even if it's for a few hours. Plus it gave me a good excuse to leave the cold.

-Akemi-chan